The night I learned that my brother was dead was, and will be, the worst of my life. I am certain that nothing will ever compare to this pain. Losing him has been the most painful experience imaginable. The death of my only brother left me with an open wound that will never heal. It's a feeling like having to continue on with life, with only half a heart. Nothing I do in this moment, aside from hurting myself or others, is wrong. I screamed the word 'no' for hours until my voice was gone.

I've always wondered how would it be after someone died, would it be peaceful? Or would it be painful? There are those people on TV who claim they've came back to life, and know everything about it. But I still didn't get any answers. Oh well...

Somehow I realized when I got myself to bed that this was the first night I would not awaken at 2 AM, wondering where my brother was. Exhausted and mentally and physically sick, I fell asleep for 10 hours, and did not even turn over.

I now sit alone in this empty white room. The light from the morning sun is shining brightly outside, like somehow God was trying to cheer me up with His creation. Sadly, I don't. I'm just doing staring contest with the wall in front of me. I don't want to eat. I don't want to talk. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to think about it anymore. My brain was tired. Tired from all the grieves and loses and challenges that has been given to me for this past months. My eyes are heavy as hell, but I can't get to sleep. All of this things... it made me sick. Honestly, I once really thought about ending my life. With letting this cancer spread back throughout my body and took control of me until I can't even breathe anymore. But I know, my parents don't want me to die like that. At least, my brother too. He always told me to stay strong. Stay positive.

As I look at my surroundings, now... without him... it seems... very empty. But I could still hear his voices when he reads the story for me. I could still see his silhouette, sitting on the chair next to me, sleeping, waiting for me to get up.

Three knocks disturbs me from my thoughts as I look at the door in annoyance.

"Come in." I say while looking at the door.

The door opens ever so slowly, as if who's behind it is very shy to come inside. I wait patiently as I just look at the door in confusion. What next come to view, makes my brain jump out from my head and spin around Jupiter ten times. There, standing on the doorway, is the most adorable pony I have ever seen. I know what it is, no... who she is. But my mind still searching answers for this situation. Is it really her? I blink several times, but the image still the same. She's standing on the doorway, with a soft smile on her face, looking directly at my eyes. I rub my eyes one more time, but she's still there!

"Hey." The purple alicorn says sweetly. I just stare at her, still shock about all of this. Is this some kind of joke? Is this just a dream? I pinch my arm, only to wince from the pain. Okay, this isn't a dream. She waits patiently at the doorway, waiting for my response.

Not wanting to be rude, I decide to reply, "H-hey." I could tell my voice is still sore from all those crying.

She closes the door behind her with her magic and trot over to me, still giving me that smile that seems to make my heart relax for a bit. She now stands next to my bed as she look at me, and is about to say something when I cut her off.

"Why are you even here?"

She looks at me in confusion when I ask that. Tilting her head to the side, she answers, "You need help, right?"

I frown upon hearing those words. I look away from her and sigh. "No, I don't need any help."

She places a hoof on my left arm, looking at me very worried. "You sure? Cause I don't think so."

"Why the hell you want to help me anyway?" I ask, now these emotions are starting to flood again as I can feel myself begin to cry. But no, I have to convince her that I'm okay. I don't want to burden anyone with my problems. Heck, even if this is an alien that wants to help me, but still, she must have something to do back in her own world. So why the hell would she travel to this planet to just makes me comfortable again?

"Because you need it. And I'm here to help you to get through it."

That's it. I couldn't hold my tears any longer. Looking away from her, tears starting to flowing down on my cheeks. I cry. I didn't want to think any of it. But that she's here, she's making me to remembering all of the things that I've lost. My parents, my brother. I place my hands to cover my face as I cry harder.

"Hey, hey," Twilight rubs her hoof back and forth on my arm as she tries to hush me, "It's okay... let it all out."

I couldn't fight back the tears. They just keep flowing down my cheeks as I sob into my hands, hoping that something would just end this all for me. Everything was hollow. Everything. I feel a wing wrap around my shoulders. And it only make things worse. I try my best to hold back the tears, but I simply can't. I don't want her to seeing me like this.

"You don't have to talk about it. Just know that I'm here for you." She say as she continues to rub my arm and pull me close to her. Finally, after what felt like hours, the tears finally stop.

Through my sobs, I could only choke one word to her. "Thanks..."

She smiles warmly at me. Though, I still feel this isn't over yet. Cause when she leaves, I could only sense one thing that's always present in this room. Alone. I don't want to be alone. But when it comes with the virus, everyone is too scared to go outside. Even if they want to. I put my both hands on my thigh and stare blankly at the ceiling. Wondering what next activity will be. Though, I already know the answer. Eat, sleep, cry, repeat.

Twilight notices my expression as she looks at my face, then to my lap. Slowly as to not hurt my sore body, she climbs onto my lap, sitting on it. I didn't notice it at first until she begins to nuzzle my chest. I look down at this tiny pastel pony, who is pressing her cheek deeper onto my chest. The warmth she's giving me makes me feel... safe. Makes me feel more comfortable than before. On their own accord, my arms instinctively wrap around her. Pulling her close to me, I sob quietly. Her fur is so soft, it's better than this bed sheet. She doesn't protest, instead, she nuzzle the crook of my neck and let out a satisfying sigh.

I don't know how long I sit here with her. Minutes? Hours? Frankly, I don't even care. Her soft fur, her warmth, her steady breath somehow makes my pain and grief vanish slowly. I wish I could be like this forever. Finally, I stop sobbing. But I'm still trying to calm myself down.

"Oh, Twilight," I manage to speak up, feeling a bit guilty for her. "I'm so-"

She cut me off by putting her foreleg on my lips. "Shh... no need."

I hold her hoof and bring it away so I can speak. "But... why? Why you travel all way to here? Don't you have an important mission right now instead of this?"

She chuckles adorably. "This is my mission silly. To help you feel happy." I look at her as she gives me that warm smile again. "Don't worry, you may think that you're alone. That your family had passed away, leaving you all alone. But when you cry all night, I'll make sure to be here for you. I'll rearrange my schedule and sleep here with you so you don't feel lonely anymore. How's that?"

I couldn't believe what I've just heard. All this times, only my brother that came to visit. But when he's gone, no one came anymore. No one even bother except for the doctors and the nurses. They always tried to cheer me up but to no avail. But this alicorn right here, she's showing it from her heart. Truly, from her heart. I pull her close again, cherish every moment of me being with her.

"Yes, yes, of course you can come here. Any time." I say as a tear manage to make it's way down my left cheek. But I know this isn't a tear that all those nights I cried. No. This is tear of joy. Finally, from all those days, I can feel hope rise again inside me. I have found a spark that I've been searching for so long. I have found a friend that truly care about me. And here she is. Her name, is Twilight Sparkle. And I will never, ever, lose a friend like this.

"Lay down." She says with caring tone. I comply, I slowly lay on my side; my back is pressing against her. The lavender alicorn get hold of the sheets with her magic and wrap them around the both of us, using her wings as she wriggle herself into me so that I'm cocoon within her embrace.

It is really astounding to know that somewhere out there, there is some world full of colorful magical talking equines. Somehow with the technology or magic to interdimensional travel. All of it seem too good to be true, but then I realise something. It's 7:32 AM and I'm shock that I'm able to read the clock. Without even realising, I had done a reality check, this is real, all of this is really happening!

Her little lavender paws are wrapping around my chest, her tail coil between my legs gently stroking them with a swishing motion. I feel her wet button nose touch my back, and it is really cute. Another tear begin to fell from my eyes as I smile happily, I had never felt so loved in all of my life if I may honest. The warmth that was created between us is perfectly incredible, her soft silky fur caressing my skin, making my insides turn to mush. But this is unfair, so I turn around from I once assumed spooning position to bring her into the folks of my arms, something about her give me the sense that even Princesses need a special cuddle too, and she definitely seems to like this. A lot.

I begin to pat her head and scratch behind her ears, she lets out this adorable little purring sound as I gently rub the back of her head and down her mane, the whole motion flowing perfectly in time. All of the aches and pains from before have been completely replaced with a ball of fluffy snuggles and purring ecstasy. For the first time in my life, this is the most blissful moment I have ever been. The little alicorn let out soft little licks of my hand, her ears twitching every now and then in a playful manner.

"Thank you... Twilight... thank you." I say as I pull her even close. She proceed her licks on the crook of my neck and nuzzle it. I feel my eyes are heavier than before. With a yawn, I put my head on her mane and close my eyes for the blissful slumber. Because I know, if she's nowhere to be found tomorrow, she'll always come back for me. Keeping me company when I was feeling lonely. Because I knew, a true friend, never leave their friends alone.

"Sweet dreams." She says before I fell asleep.

We will not get over our grief, we will not go through our grief. Our grief becomes part of who we are. Living with the pain slowly becomes the new normal. If we are lucky we will find a counselor or a support system that will keep us safe and moving forward. Over a period of time which is different for everyone, the pain softens and becomes a room in our heart. The door to this room must stay open. We must visit it and work with it regularly. If we shut the door, the pain may leak out in unexpected and unhealthy ways.

We all have opinions on the worst days, the best days, the best and worst years on this path. Unquestionably the anniversary of our loved one's death is the worst day of the year. It is good to plan the day - a ritual of candles and family (which I don't have anymore), a walk in nature, placing flowers, something that acknowledges in a meaningful way the transition. You will find a way.